Today, in alignment with National Stress Awareness Day, we’re grateful to be sharing a guest post from David Adams. Here, he highlights the importance of awareness in reducing stigma around mental health, as well as the importance of inner awareness too.
We hope you’ll enjoy reading David’s journey of loss, love, work, family, and how he has since reached a place of empowerment and recovery, sharing his story publicly and through his work.
Challenging The Stigma Around Mental Health
An awareness day. A chance to recognise and talk about a subject for a day. To some, it will mean so much, to others, it will be just another day. On social media, conversations to join in with and hashtags to follow.
Now, I’m all for the general wellbeing and healthy lifestyle, however it’s important that we as a society remember that it doesn’t just last a day.
David and his wife Lauren taking part in the Tough Mudder Challenge
There are many ways to improve your mental health in terms of mindset and managing stress, anxiety or depression; for example, I did the Tough Mudder a
few weeks back after pushing through
my anxiety of doing it. I instantly felt amazing - my mood was boosted, my
self-esteem rose and I felt happier, positive and more energised… but that was in the moment. Maybe I need to do more things like that. But I know full
well it’s unlikely to take the deep pain completely away. I wonder if anything will.
All of this comes into my awareness today, on National Stress Awareness Day, but by the weekend - will it all socially be forgotten?
It’s important to remember that mental health awareness days, including the recent World Mental Health Day - a day that was first celebrated in 1992 to bring attention to mental illness and its major effects - are about the stigma:
The discrimination of mental illness, and how that needs to change,
What is it that drives mental health conditions deeper, and how can you prevent that from happening,
Raising awareness and stopping the stigma.
This year’s official theme for World Mental Health Day was suicide prevention – yet all I saw were posts about yoga and clean eating. It’s said that most people who think about, or die as a result of suicide, don’t actually want to die. They don’t want to live with the pain they experience any more.
Believe me, I’ve been in that state of mind. Just wanting to end the pain. The pain of living day in day out. That head pressure. Many reasons are buried so deep, it can’t just disappear with an avocado and a cycle round the park - whilst all of that can have a positive impact, struggling with a mental illness is a constant battle for some. The only death needs to be the stigma, and it’s so important not to be afraid of who you are and your mindset. Talk to people. Ask for help. Open up. Share your story. I eventually did…
Life Experiences & Positively Channelling Them
I was diagnosed with significant depression and intense anxiety when I was 18 after I lost my Dad. I used to keep it all in, however over time the pressure built up and I felt like I couldn’t cope. I was scared to talk to people. I had to “be a man”, because "men don’t show weakness, men are strong”. I needed to break my silence and back then, my employers at the time unfortunately saw it as a weakness, when what I really needed was to get help.
I attended various counselling sessions, different forms of therapy, anger management and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I’ve been on various depression and anxiety tablets, spoken with family, friends. Over time, a combination of everything, along with talking, enabled me to accept my circumstances and build my self-awareness.
Almost eight years ago I landed a dream job as a Graphic Designer in Brighton. The ethos and staff wellbeing within the company lead me to think about being open about my mental state and speaking up – albeit after a year or so of being there. This time, the understanding and support was there.
Since then, I’ve had more challenges come my way. Other family deaths. A complete change in my family unit. My wife being diagnosed with cancer at the age of 28. A couple of years later, the birth of our beautiful daughter, who was born prematurely at 25 weeks. She spent the first 95 days of her life in the Trevor Mann Baby Unit (TMBU) in Brighton before she came home. Words fail to describe how I felt each day during that time.
Through a build up of these life experiences, along with acceptance, I found an outlet through writing. Some people told me not to write, that “people don’t want to see that kind of thing”. Fair enough, but others do. Others need it and I will continue to do this. For myself and for others.
They say that behind every business, there’s a story. By starting various projects I found my energy was refocused. I felt I could help people. I wanted to share my experiences, to create awareness of depression and anxiety, and try to banish the stigma - especially in men. So I started developing a project I’d began soon after I lost my Dad, dprst.
A year after our daughter Nova was born, my wife and I started a business called NovaLoves, creating personalised prints to put smiles on the faces of families. With each sale, we donate 15% to the TMBU in Brighton where Nova was born 15 weeks early. We turned our painful experience into a passion to build awareness around premature births, and to get people talking. To listen to others going through it and for them to share their story - to
feel accepted.
Acceptance Starts Within
Over time, I realised I’ve longed for acceptance. Acceptance from others - that it’s ok not to be ok. What have I learnt? To gain acceptance, you need awareness. Through my own self-awareness and opening up, it’s in turn made others aware and more accepting. So on a societal level, maybe the issue isn’t just raising awareness - in fact, it’s acceptance. As a collective, we need to be both aware and accept.
I am now 32 years old, fortunate and grateful for everything I have. The pain stemming from the death of my Dad and everything else that followed will always be there. I still have really low days. I’m not ‘fixed’. But I know how to manage my health in a way that works for me. I’m aware. I’m accepted.
Depression can’t be cured by the click of a finger. Mental Health Awareness Days may come and go and whether it’s true message is understood or not each time - above all, Mental Health Awareness must not be forgotten. Mental Health Awareness must be accepted.
From both sides, those who are struggling and those who can support.
You hear the terms “If you’re not happy about something, then change it”. To an extent, that’s true - though it’s not that easy. It can be really hard. It takes time, patience, though eventually, yes it will happen.
Accepting Awareness is the first step.
David Adams is the Co-Founder of NovaLoves, a Graphic Designer and Writer. David is also a mental health advocate, husband and father.