We’ve all been there — sitting across from a coworker or boss, whether in person or virtually, feeling that knot in our stomachs as we gear up for a difficult conversation. Whether it’s confronting a colleague who keeps dropping the ball on shared projects or discussing a well-deserved pay raise with a difficult manager, tough talks at work can be daunting and scary.
But here's the reality: you can’t avoid conflict at work forever. The good news? With the right strategies, you can handle these difficult conversations in a way that leads to resolution rather than escalating into further conflict.
This week, we welcome Pinky Ghadiali to share her perspective on ways to resolve different types of conflict at work, empowering you to lean into tough talks with confidence.
Three ways to manage conflict at work
As someone currently pursuing a postgraduate degree in Meditation and Conflict Resolution, I’ve found these insights and techniques even more fascinating. It’s helped me see that the key to handling conflict lies not in avoiding it, but in how we engage with it.
1. The Power of "I" Statements
One of the most effective strategies for keeping difficult conversations constructive is using “I” statements. The moment you start pointing fingers or making assumptions about the other person, defences go up, and the conversation can spiral into a blame game.
“I” statements, on the other hand, help you focus on how the issue affects you personally, rather than casting blame. For example:
Instead of: “You’re always late for deadlines!”
Try: “I feel stressed when deadlines aren’t met because it affects the project timeline.”
By framing the issue in terms of how it impacts you, you reframe and shift the tone of the conversation. The focus becomes resolving the problem instead of finding fault. This not only keeps the conversation calm but also creates space for collaboration and problem-solving.
2. Managing Your Emotions Before and During the Conversation
Difficult conversations can stir up intense emotions, and learning to manage those emotions is key to staying focused and productive. The intersection between conflict resolution and mindfulness has become a key focus in my studies, and it’s something that can be applied in day-to-day workplace interactions.
Before the conversation: It’s important to check in with yourself. Are you in the right mental and emotional space to have a constructive conversation? If not, it’s okay to reschedule. If you’re angry, stressed, or overly emotional, the conversation is likely to escalate rather than resolve. Take the time to calm down, reflect, and get clear on the goals of the discussion before diving in.
During the conversation: It’s human nature to feel defensive, especially when receiving feedback or criticism. However, letting those emotions and defensiveness take over can derail the conversation. Instead, approach the discussion with curiosity. When you feel that defensive emotion rising, try to take a step back and ask questions like, "Can you clarify what you mean by that?" or "Can you give me an example?"
Curiosity not only helps diffuse your own defensiveness but also keeps the conversation focused on understanding the issue and creates a psychologically safe space. It shows that you’re engaged, open to finding a solution, and also creates rapport and trust, which is far more productive than getting caught in an argument.
3. Clear is kind: avoid sugarcoating
Many people fall into the trap of trying to sugarcoat difficult conversations to avoid conflict. They skirt around the issue, hoping to soften the blow. While this might seem like a good idea in the moment, it often leads to miscommunication and leaves the elephant in the room.
Honesty, delivered respectfully, is far more effective. As Brené Brown wisely says, “Clear is kind.” When you’re clear and direct, you ensure that the issue is fully addressed, which ultimately leads to a more productive and meaningful outcome.
That doesn’t mean you have to be harsh or blunt to get your point across. You can still be considerate while being direct. For example:
Instead of: “Everything’s fine, it’s not a big deal.”
Try: “I’ve noticed this issue is impacting the team, and I’d like to address it so we can move forward.”
Being clear in your communication shows respect for the other person’s time and intelligence. It also opens the door for an honest conversation, where real solutions can be found.
Lean into tough talks with confidence
Difficult conversations are unavoidable in the workplace. However, by using strategies like "I" statements, managing your emotions, and being direct yet respectful, you can navigate these conversations with confidence. Instead of creating more conflict, these tools help you stay focused on solutions, foster collaboration, and build stronger relationships.
In my studies of meditation and conflict resolution, I’ve come to appreciate the power of mindfulness in managing conflict. Approaching tough talks with clarity, curiosity, and openness leads not only to better outcomes, but also to personal growth.
So next time you feel that knot in your stomach before a difficult conversation, remember that you have got the tools to handle it with grace and confidence.
Pinky Ghadiali is an executive leadership coach specialising in 1:1 and teams with 8 years of experience, focused on empowering leaders to communicate confidently and navigate complex dynamics. Currently completing her postgraduate studies in Mediation and Conflict Resolution, Pinky is dedicated to helping individuals and organisations save valuable time and resources by resolving disputes proactively and effectively. Passionate about fostering harmony in the workplace, she brings a compassionate yet strategic approach to every session. Get in touch with Pinky here.